


To the Empty and Back

by bracelitperson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angel Wings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel Has Mental Health Issues (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Dean Winchester Has Mental Health Issues, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soft Dean Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, this is set when cas finally got his grace back and his wings were all messed up :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23242333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bracelitperson/pseuds/bracelitperson
Summary: Cas is having a problem with his wings and Dean has to help the angel.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 75





	To the Empty and Back

Castiel winced as he poked and prodded at his shredded wings. He was crouched in front of his wall-length mirror shirtless, hunched around his spread out wings. After he got his grace back, they were broken and tattered beyond repair. Cas didn’t even want to look at them, so he didn’t. But then they started hurting. The pain was unbearable. He used his grace on most days, but sometimes he couldn’t. So he ignored it on those days, blocked out the ache.

They were still stiff and uncomfortable with the grace blocking it out. He couldn’t even spread them out without groaning in pain anymore, so he tried not to stand next to Dean. It was instinct, spreading his wings protectively around the Winchesters. Now he couldn’t even do that.

Most of the feathers had fallen out and all that crowded around the ones that were left was exposed bone. Some of the muscle was still there, covered in scabs and crusted over the broken feathers, blood and pus caked in the orifices. Cas didn’t feel the tears stream down his face as a black feather fell onto the aluminum floor, the pain pulsing through his backside and the wings themself. He closes his eyes and plops onto the floor, letting the tears flow freely down his face. 

He knows he deserves the pain for all the pain he’s caused. It’s a surprise he even has any grace left at all. He sniffles, something very human to do, and winces when his hands meet his wings. 

He doesn’t even notice when Dean trudges the door open lightly, the creak feeling the silent room along with Cas’ sniffles. He glances up at the noise, whips up, and turns around, shattering his mirror onto the floor. He doesn’t move away from the glass, feels it crash against the floor and doesn’t flinch when some glass collides with his legs. Dean’s face was shell shocked, for less a better words. Dean’s eyes were on Cas’ wings immediately. The green eyes that Cas had done everything for brimmed with concern at the sight of him. 

“Dean-“ 

“Cas...” The hunter closes his eyes with a small sigh, opening them back up before walking towards him. Cas backs up further into the glass, wings bunching around himself protectively. 

“You shouldn’t be in here,” Cas whispers out, eyes scrunching up. 

“Your door was open, was wondering if you wanted to watch House Hunters, but, uh...” 

Dean can’t speak. He closes his eyes to stop the tears prickling at his eyelids. Cas didn’t say anything for a long minute. His shredded wings hanging limply behind his back, head bowed at the floor in shame. 

Dean felt like doing the same thing. Cas feels true, absolute horror drip through his veins as he imagines what Dean must be thinking. Dean’s mind is blank, filled with sorrow. 

“Cas, I didn’t know.”

“I know, Dean. You weren’t supposed to know.” 

Dean’s eyes connect with Cas’ baby blues, so many years worth of sadness connected them in that gaze. Dean wasn’t even the slightest bit angry. 

“Why?” 

“Because they are disgraceful and disgusting. They just hurt so bad right now and I thought I could maybe appease the pain for a second-“

“They hurt?” Cas nods timidly and twitches uncomfortably on his feet. 

“Cas, why haven’t you said anything?” Cas looks back up at him, little fire behind the tears in his eyes.

“Because we never have time! It’s ridiculous for me to mention something so small when we have something bigger, crazier always going on. Nothing can be done to help it, anyway.” 

“Cas, there’s always a way. Always. I don’t care if the world is ending, you’re more important.” Cas stops shifting and gives Dean a soft look, the tear tracks on his face shining in the fluorescent lights. 

“We can research,” He sighs heavily, “I’m sorry, Cas, I never even thought...”

“It’s alright, Dean. There’s no way you could’ve known.” Dean gives him a knowing look and a sad smile. 

“What was your plan?” Cas gives a humorless chuckle and glances down at his broken mirror. 

“Don’t have one. Just want it to stop,” He pauses, “I want it all to stop.” His voice cracks.

“Want what to stop? The pain?” 

Dean’s eyes search him frantically so Cas looks up at him, almost winces from the pain in the hunter’s eyes. Dean knows what he’s talking about. Dean always gets what he’s talking about, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Dean walks towards him and Cas doesn’t budge this time, just lets him take his hand and pull him into a hug. He sobs into the righteous man’s shoulder, bare chest sticking to flannel.

Dean just grips him hard, head flush against his, hand stroking his hair and back, avoiding the limp wings. Dean lets his tears fall finally, keeping them silent for Cas’ sake and just death grips the angel. They stand in the embrace for longer than friends are supposed to by a long shot, but Dean supposes they haven’t been just friends in a long time. Cas lets go of him first, a small smile on his lips to lighten the mood, hand still attached to Dean’s. Dean doesn’t loosen his grip. 

They stare for a moment, Dean taking it all in. He’s known for a long time. He thinks he’s known since the beginning. But now, standing next to Cas, tears drying on their faces, he knows that he’d do anything for Cas, has for years, and will for however long they live for. The air is filled with unspoken words, but Dean can’t. Not yet. 

“Guess you’ve got seven years of bad luck.” Dean comments and glances at the shattered mirror, hand in hand with the angel still. Cas glances back. 

“Yeah, I suppose. Always have bad luck anyway.” He says sadly with a shrug. Dean squeezes his hand and pulls Cas towards him. He needs to do something to help. 

“I think I might have an idea to help with your wings, Angel.” 

Cas flushes from the nickname and nods, lets Dean drag him down the hall into the infirmary. He’d follow Dean into hell if he asked. Too bad he never asks. 

They don’t drop their hands as they walk and Dean helps him walk gently through the doorway with his wings, sits him down on the tub. Dean runs the water, checking the temperature with his hand and walks to the medicine cabinet. 

“Dean, a bath isn’t going to help me.” Dean bites his tongue as he reaches into the back of the cabinet for the bubble bath. 

“We can get them clean at least. I can see if there’s an infection and maybe we can get you some painkillers.” He turns to the angel, who’s sitting stiffly on the edge of the tub, watching the water fill it slowly. 

He walks over and pops the cap on the bubble bath, taking Cas’ hand in his and squeezes the bottle with both their hands. Cas chuckles as the bubbles fill the water and he lets Cas control the bottle. He puts it down after a minute and just watches the water rise.

“It smells like lilac.” Dean smiles softly at him from his perch on the floor as watches Cas dance his fingers across the bubbles, that soft grin of fascination a lit on his face. He moves to unbutton Cas’ pants and the seraph snaps his attention to Dean. 

“Can I, uh,” Cas keeps that smile on his face, crinkles forming in the corner of his eyes. He drifts his hands to Dean’s, helping him let loose the button. Dean feels his face heat up as unzips the angel’s slacks, Cas’ hands trailing his the whole time. Cas lifts his hips and slips them off, picking up his feet and sitting them in Dean’s lap, wiggling his toes against the hunter’s denim-clad thighs.

Dean freezes before remembering what was happening and removes his socks, throwing them in whatever direction the pants went. Cas stops the water and Dean stands up to help him onto his feet. 

“Do you wanna...” Dean jesters at his boxers and the angel looks up at him, an amused smile reflecting in his eyes.

Cas just drops them and steps into the bath before Dean can even blink, sighing heavily as he sits down. He spans his wings out across the tub walls, letting a groan of pain fall pass his lips. Dean winces in sympathy and sits on the lip of the tub next to Cas. 

“I do kind of feel better,” Cas says from behind bubbles. His voice sounds relaxed and Dean holds back his shudder at the rough, gravely tone. He can’t see any part of Cas except his wings and face and a little flash of thigh that Dean chooses to ignore for sanity purposes. Cas lets out little pleasurable sighs as he sinks lowers into the water, his wings going into a U shape the lower he sinks.

“Cas, um, how do you want to...” Cas bites his lip and comes back up, water shifting around his body haphazardly as he sits up. Dean tries not to glance at the exposed skin. He fails. Cas’ wings flail on instinct when he shifts his body and he winces. Dean places a hand on his arm to steady him and Cas gives him a grateful grin. 

“Shouldn’t you be unclothed for this too? I don’t want to get your flannel wet.” 

“You trying to get in my pants, Angel?” Cas flushes and Dean laughs as he plucks his flannel off his arms and throws it by Cas’ discarded clothes. 

“I’m playing, Cas.” He lifts his black t-shirt and Cas all but marvels at his chest. Cas has seen Dean naked hundreds of times, but most of them were because Dean had a major injury. Cas’ face is blazing hot, but he blames it on the water. Dean kicks off his jeans and sits back down on the side of the tub. He’d grabbed cotton balls and rubbing alcohol from the cabinet earlier and he picks it up, shaking the bottle in front of Cas. 

“This is the only thing I think would help.” Cas takes the bottle from Dean’s hand, ignoring Dean’s fingertips as they ghost across his knuckles. Cas examines the contents, eyes skirting across the text. 

“It seems safe to use, just be careful, Dean.” Cas tries to smile to appease Dean, but he fails and the hunter puts a hand firmly against his bicep.

“Cas, your wings don’t...” He stops for a better choice of words and sighs, hand trailing down Cas’ arm. 

“They bother me, because I know you’re in pain, but they don’t bother me because they’re ‘ugly’ or whatever.” Dean puts air quotes around ugly and Cas’ lips do a little upturn at the familiar gesture. 

“They’re you and for that they are beautiful.” Cas gives him that look, the one he’s been giving Dean for years, the soft one that makes Dean’s heart speed up and his bones soften in his skin. Dean gives him the look in return and douses a cotton ball in alcohol. 

“It’s going to sting.” Cas scoffs quietly and rolls his eyes.

“I’m an angel of the lord- FUCK!” Dean chuckles and cleans out the first scab, delicately scrubbing the gunk out. 

“You alright, Angel?” Cas gives him a dirty look and he laughs softly. Dean gets another cotton ball and does the motion over. Cas just bites his lip with a low groan. Dean gives him a sympathetic smile and goes to work on the right wing. He has to turn fully towards Cas to get a better angle on the other wing, so his feet fall into the water and he leans forward, enough that he feels Cas’ short breaths against his neck. 

His feet are in between the angel’s thighs and he tries not to twitch his toes against his muscles. He cleans out the worse of the scabs and gently puts the feathers that fell on the outside of the tub. He must have looked at one for too long because Cas grabs his wrist and makes him turn to him. Dean flushes a little.

“Sorry, I just didn’t expect them to be so...” 

“Abhorrent?” Dean sighs and gives him a small smile.

“Beautiful, Cas. I didn’t think your wings would be so... beautiful,” He marvels a little. “Or black.” 

“You’ve thought about my wings?” Dean lets the feather fall next to the others and makes a sheepish scoff. 

“Uh, yeah. I thought they’d be blue, like sparkly, ocean blue.” Cas giggles softly and runs a hand through the bubbles around his waist. 

“Why have you thought about my wings?” Dean puts the last cotton ball down and rubs his foot against Cas’ inner thigh. 

“Cause I thought I’d get to seen em’ one day.” Cas looks up at him with that angel puppy dog head tilt and Dean feels his face heat up a little. Cas gives him a subtle smile and looks back down at his bubbles. 

“Maybe you would have, before I lost my grace,” Cas says softly, head down. “I really didn’t want you to see them like this.” Dean cups Cas’ face with his hand, pulling him up gently to make eye contact. 

“I’m sorry, Cas. I’m sorry you had to go through this. All of it. If you never met me, you probably wouldn’t of had to, if you think about it.” Dean lets out a humorless laughs and Cas gives him a doleful smile, eyes shining against the weight of the conversation. 

“I wouldn’t change a damn thing, Dean.” Dean’s lips upturn slightly. He glances down at Cas’ lips and looks back up into the angel’s eyes. Cas just kept smiling and Dean realizes nothing has ever stopped him from loving Cas. So he contemplates for another moment before leaning in. 

Cas glances down at his lips and back into his eyes before his lips land on his. The angel is still for a moment and Dean begins to move back a bit, but then Cas’ wet hand is on the back of his neck pulling him closer into the kiss. He’s humming into it and Dean feels his eyelashes flutter against his cheeks and he just leans in further, his other hand coming up to cup the other side of his face. Cas smiles into it and Dean can’t believe he waited so many years do this. 

Dean has to pull back for air sadly and when he does Cas is beaming at him like a ray of fucking sun, exhausted wings hanging behind his back and body covered in bubbles. Dean chuckles at the situation and noticed his face probably has the same big smile if his already sore cheeks has anything to say about it.

The strangest thing, Dean thinks, isn’t the fact that Cas is naked in a tub and his wings are shattered or that Dean is half-naked and was just cleaning dried blood out of an angel’s wings, but that he’s not freaking out. Not even a bit. Cas lets his hand fall off of Dean’s neck and Dean catches it, wrapping their fingers together. Cas looks up at him, his smile wide and blue eyes a glow. 

“I love you.” Dean blurts out and he feels his face heat up.  _ You fucking idiot.  _ Cas just yanks his hand towards him and kisses him. Dean yelps softly and Cas has to let go from chuckling, his palm squeezing the hunter’s. His face is still impossibly close, their foreheads connected and smiles snuggled against each other’s. 

“I love you too, Dean.” Dean just smiles like he’s surprised, like he didn’t know Cas has been whipped for him this whole time. He can’t remember if he knew. It feels like he’s known forever, like it’s just a normal thing. Dean and Cas are in love. Dean loves Cas and Cas loves Dean, like it’s always been that way. 

“Why don’t you join me?” 

“Now you’re definitely trying to get into my pants, Angel.” Cas laughs softly at his joke, all melted ocean eyes and beautiful laugh lines and sharp jawline and that cute scrunch his nose does and palm to palm with Dean and smile lighting up his whole face and Dean can’t believe he ever thought he wasn’t in deep, deep, deep love with Cas.

Dean stands up and hesitantly lets go of the angel’s hand, dropping his boxers and climbing in between the angel’s legs in the tub. His back is to Cas’ chest and Cas doesn’t even think twice, just wraps his arms around Dean like they’ve belonged his whole life. Dean snuggles into it, kissing his arm lightly.

“Are your wings feeling better? Are you feeling better?” He feels Cas’ smile against his neck, sharp and bright. 

“A little.” His head falls back on Cas’ shoulder and he lets the angel kiss his hair and cheek. 

“Need me to kiss it better?” He feels Cas’ chuckle more than hears it. 

“I’ll be alright, Dean.” Dean turns in his arms to look him in the eye and Cas has this tiny smirk on his face. 

“But I wouldn’t mind that kiss.” He can’t say no to that so he leans in and smooches him. They kiss for a bit, covered in bubbles and arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders.

Dean pulls back for a second and Cas chases his lips. Dean lets him kiss him again for a second before pushing him back with his hand hooked on his collarbone and neck. 

“Cas...”

The angel’s smile falls a little.

“What, Dean?” Dean puts his hand on Cas’ face gently curving it up to look at him. Cas does and he already looks a little fragile, blue eyes brimmed with the beginning of tears. 

“What you said earlier, about wanting it all to stop. I need you to let me know when you feel like that. I don’t care where we are, if God himself is about to destroy the world, I need you to tell me, okay?” Cas gives him a grin with glassy eyes and nods. 

“Okay, Dean.” Dean gives him an award-winning grin and pulls him into another kiss. Cas pulls back after a moment and just looks at him. 

“I need you to tell me too.” 

“Tell you what?” Cas gives a little sigh and looks down for a moment before looking back at the hunter.

“When you feel like that, you tell me.” Cas pulls against Dean’s neck with the arms wrapped around his shoulders. 

“Even when you feel like you don’t deserve love, Dean, I’ll love you until the ends of the earth.” Dean blushes like a 12-year-old girl with a crush and drops his eyes. 

“I’d think you love me more than that. To heaven and back.” Cas rolls his eyes and Dean chuckles under his breath as Cas pulls him towards him. They sit in an almost kiss, eyes scouring each other. 

“There are things further than heaven, Dean.”

“Purgatory and back?” Cas shakes his head and kisses Dean’s nose and cheek.

“The Empty and back.” Cas replies with the feel of Dean’s smile against his.

“Okay, I love you to Heaven and Hell and Purgatory and the Empty  _ and _ back.” Cas laughs and pulls Dean into another chaste kiss. 

“I love you more, Dean.” 

“I love you most, Angel.” Cas’ skin flushes down his neck and Dean smiles triumphantly. 

“Ready to get out?” Cas nods and Dean hops out and grabs towels out of the supply cabinet. He helps Cas stand and steadies him while he dries off. Cas shakes the water off his wings with a small yelp and Dean helps him walk back to his room wrapped in a towel. 

Dean figures he’ll clean up the clothes and water askew on the infirmary floor in the morning. He sets Cas down on the bed while he grabs a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt from the dresser against the wall. He steals some clothes for himself, considering most of them are his anyway, and quickly puts them on. He helps the angel into the underwear and Cas waves off the shirt for a second. 

“Let me, uh, put my wings up.” Dean nods and they flush out of view with a woosh and a whimper from Cas. Dean helps Cas into his shirt and the angel lets out a long breath before falling against the bed. Dean just stands there before Cas grabs his hand and pulls him down next to him, cuddling into his side. He pulls the blankets up around them and snaps the lights out. He snuggles into Dean’s neck, tangling their legs together. Dean kisses his hair and wraps his arm tight around him. 

“Did it help, Cas?” 

“More than you’ll ever know, Dean.” Dean lets out a low chuckle and a hum. 

“Night, Cas.” 

“Goodnight, Dean”. 

“Love you. To the Empty n’ back.” 

Dean lets the previously difficult words slip off his tongue in his fatigue, but he has come to realize it isn’t hard to say, not when it’s too Cas. Cas feels himself smile despite his weariness and lets out a small breath. 

“Love you too, Dean. To the Empty and back.”

Dean falls asleep first, Cas listening to his breathing slow down to a steady pace. Cas feels his eyes droop and he lets himself fall into the rhythm of sleep. He sleeps better than he has in months and his dreams are filled with green eyes and lilac scented bubbles. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is based off a tweet i saw like 2 months ago and i deleted the screenshot i took of it but it was a picture of Cas’ wings at the beginning of season 4 and then when he got his grace back from Metatron and how awful his wings looked and i just know he felt awful about it so i figured i’d let my babies help each other with their major emotional issues for once.


End file.
